What If the Avengers Became the 8 Taoist Immortals of Chinese Mythology?

Avengers as Chinese Immortals
Guess where adventure has taken our Avengers: Ancient, legendary China. (Image: gameover.com.hk)

An ancient story tells about 8 Taoist Immortals crossing the sea, each showing his or her supernormal abilities. These are the 8 Immortals of Chinese mythology.

Which group of immortals is more powerful?

A Chinese social media user took the idea and put the Avengers there. I suppose the superpowers of each Avenger can match up with the abilities of those Chinese legendary figures.

Eight Immortals

Eight Immortals crossing the sea is a common depiction in Chinese mythology. (Image: “Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea – Project Gutenberg eText 15250“. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons)

Not really. The Chinese legends are much more powerful. They can do things that no Marvel superhero has ever seen. Just one of them could take out the Avengers with a snap of the fingers. The only superhero that might stand a little bit of a chance is Dr. Strange. But even he’d fall after a while. Each of the immortals represents a deity.

Avengers 8 Immortals

Can one sea even hold them? (Image: gameover.com.hk)

1. Hulk as Cao Guojiu

Hulk

The Hulk as a giant-sized Taoist. That must mean he finally learned to control his temper, but maybe not his appetite. (Image: gameover.com.hk)

Cao Guojiu is the saint of acting. Hulk isn’t much of an actor. Actors need to portray many emotions. Hulk is known for just one: anger.

2. Nick Fury as Quan Zhongli

Nick Fury

Nick Fury holds guns whereas the Chinese deity he replaces would be holding a feather fan. And that fan could do more than any number of guns. (Image: gameover.com.hk)

Quan Zhongli is the saint of military affairs. That makes a lot of sense when you consider Nick Fury’s military origins. But Quan is much fatter and usually appears with his shirt open and big belly exposed.

3. Thor as Han Xiangzi

Thor

Thor is already a god in Norse mythology. How does he fair as a Chinese one? (Image: gameover.com.hk)

Han Xianzi is the saint of musicians. He often carries a flute which channels life when played. Thor carries a hammer which can channel thunder and lightning.

4. Iron Man as Lu Dongbin

Iron Man

An Iron Suit might get a little heavy and burdensome when you are an immortal with natural powers of flight. (Image: gameover.com.hk)

Lu Dongbin is the saint of barbers. This is probably attributed to the sword he carries to slice down demons. Iron Man and Lu Dongbin are both highly educated dudes from the upper classes of society.

5. Loki as Iron Crutch Li

Loki

Loki takes the form of a shriveled, yet powerful, Taoist immortal. But does it make him any less scheming? (Image: gameover.com.hk)

Iron Crutch Li is the saint of the disabled. He’s got an iron crutch and an old, withered body due to reincarnating into the body of a dead beggar. Loki is the evil, power thirsty brother of Thor. But in this case he’d have to turn good.

6. Captain America as Zhang Guolao

Captain America

Not sure what good Cap’s shield can do out here in the ocean. But if he’s really become an immortal, than that shield has been imbued with extraordinary powers. (Image: gameover.com.hk)

Zhang Guolao is the saint of old men. He’s extremely powerful. He rides a donkey which he can fold up into his pocket, and beats a life-curing drum. Captain America has heightened abilities and a shield he can throw. You decide who’s more powerful.

7. Hawkeye as Lan Caihe

Black Widow and Hawkeye

Hawkeye and Black Widow represent the only gender-unspecific immortal, and the only female immortal, respectively. (Image: gameover.com.hk)

Lan Caihe is the saint of florists. He’s sometimes painted as a man, sometimes as a woman, sometimes both. He communicates with gods through magical flowers. I wonder if Hawkeye can do anything like that with his bow and arrow.

8. Black Widow as He Xiangnu

He Xiangnu is the only [completely] female member of the Taoist group. She is known for her nutrient rich diet of mother-of-pearl and moonbeams. Imagine what powers Black Widow could gain if she ate that everyday.

9. Spider-Man as ….

Spidey

Spider-Man can’t fit in. (en.rocketnews24.com)

Sorry Spidey, there are only 8 Taoist immortals.

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