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Inspiration for a Long and Happy Marriage

During his daughter's wedding, Dr. Dong gave an inspiring speech about marriage. (Image: Pixabay CC0 Public Domain)
During his daughter's wedding, Dr. Dong gave an inspiring speech about marriage. (Image: Pixabay CC0 Public Domain)

A grand wedding was recently held in Tokyo, Japan. Luke, a doctoral student of stage direction at the University of Southern California, and a member of the British royal family, has married Dong Chengeng — a girl from the Inner Mongolian prairies.

The bride’s father, Dr Dong Jinyu, gave a beautiful speech at the wedding held in July 2015. The following is an excerpt of his speech.

Dr. Dong giving speech during the wedding. (Image: NTD)

Dr Dong giving a speech during the wedding ceremony. (Image: NTD)

Standing here today, I have mixed feelings about my daughter’s wedding. On one hand, I am exhilarated that she has found her beloved man and the safe harbor for life, but on the other, I also have some worries about their future.

Given the above, I would like to share my views on marriage with my daughter and son-in-law for their reference.

Marriage is a way of life

Marriage is an entity composed of two equal and independent persons who love each other. The core element of a married life is cooperation in the following four aspects:

First of all, it’s cooperation in the physical aspect; the second is cooperation in the psychological aspect, which is the realization of the needs of loving and being loved; the third is cooperation in the mental and spiritual aspects, which is to meet the needs of a sense of belonging; the fourth is cooperation in the social aspect, which is the realization of population reproduction and nurturing of the next generation.

Only after both parties clearly understand the functions of marriage, can they avoid getting lost.

Chengeng and Luke. (Image: NTD)

Newly weds Chengeng and Luke. (Image: NTD)

I hope my daughter will always be grateful to her husband for all that he has done for her.  I also hope the mentality of my daughter and my son-in-law toward their marriage life is: “What can I do for the opposite side?” — as opposed to: “What can the opposite side do for me?” Dear daughter, this is the valuable life experience I have learned from your grandparents.

I hope my daughter will always remember that only Luke’s married life belongs to her. Luke is not her personal property, and she cannot monopolize him. If she really loves him, she should give him liberty, respect his choices, and allow him to associate with others.

I also hope that Luke will bear in mind that he should respect his wife. After all: “Freedom is humanity’s primary value.”

I hope that after getting married, both of them can give each other personal space, and respect each other’s independent personalities and freedom of will.

Marriage is a school for lifelong learning

Chengeng and Luke: You should bear in mind the major points you should learn from the school of marriage — truly regard each other as your mentor, and calm yourselves down, and consult with each other when you cannot understand what the other says or does.

The couple had a Chinese-style wedding ceremony. (Image: NTD)

The couple had a Chinese-style wedding ceremony. (Image: NTD)

Marriage is a cultivation site

Dear daughter and son-in-law: When a man and a woman are falling in love, they are under the influence of a strong passion. They would not consider their own needs first, and instead, they would completely devote themselves to the good of each other. They regard the business of the other as their own, and vice versa. This is a feeling of complete harmony.

However, when the passion gradually fades away, they have to return to the daily routine with lots of household chores, and their differences in personality — and viewpoints on personal interests — will gradually appear as well.

If both sides do not cultivate themselves well, it is very likely they may unknowingly get involved in conflicts for personal interest. That may be the starting point of hurting each other.

Chengeng and Luke in their wedding ceremony. (Image: NTD)

Chengeng and Luke in their wedding ceremony. (Image: NTD)

Therefore, to ensure a long-lasting and happy marriage, a couple must cultivate themselves well. Through cultivation and growth, they will be able to eliminate their own mentalities of selfishness — and improve their personalities. By growing and learning, they can understand the meaning of true love, tolerance, compassion, dedication, compromise and forgiveness.

Therefore, I hope both Chengeng and Luke can embark on the path of cultivation and spiritual growth, from now on.

Marriage is a sacred altar for dedication

The reason that humans have been able to establish civilization on earth is there is a noble element — love, which is flowing in our veins.

A true love is someone you dedicate yourself to unselfishly. It is also a mindset that you would accept the opposite side unconditionally; it is a devotion that you will never ask for in return; it is respect that both parties view the opposite side as an equal entity, and always think of the other side first.

Chengeng and Luke's mom. (Image: NTD)

Chengeng and Luke’s mom. (Image: NTD)

Marriage is a process of life

Marriage is a process of life, and it is the beginning of a life journey with your better half. With your better half’s companionship, assistance, caring and soothing, your life will no longer be lonely.

You have got to show the most beautiful traits to your better half and live a happy life everyday. I sincerely wish Chengeng and Luke all the best when embarking on the journey of true love, and without regrets, so as to create brilliant lives!

Photo of the family. (Image: NTD)

A photo of the enlarged family. (Image: NTD)

Last but not least, I wish you a happy wedding!

Dong Jinyu

July 3, 2015

Translated research by Billy Shyu and Kathy McWilliams

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