Frustration is a powerful emotion that can lead to regrettable outbursts or seething resentment if you let it; but it doesn’t have to. Understanding this feeling, and learning how to look at it with a fresh perspective, can turn frustration into fuel for innovation and inner growth.
What is frustration?
Frustration is a complex feeling that surfaces in relation to other emotions, such as anger, annoyance, anxiety, boredom, disappointment or stress. It occurs when things aren’t going the way we expected or we aren’t meeting our own goals. We may feel that the effort we put in should have brought better results; that others aren’t behaving the way we think they should; or that we don’t have the desired amount of control over a situation.
In other words, we get frustrated because we want things to be the way we think they should be, but a lot of times, they just aren’t. The obvious solution is simple: Want less. Stop projecting your “shoulds” on everything. Be content with what is.
Of course, letting go of various notions and desires is a long process of spiritual growth, and it can be frustrating as well! All too often we give in to impulse reactions that create problems down the road. Do you tend to:
- Blame others, expressing anger or aggression?
- Procrastinate to avoid situations you don’t know how to deal with?
- Resort to substance abuse or destructive behavior when nothing seems to go right?
- Withdraw socially to disengage with those associated with your frustration?
These seemingly “natural” reactions can land us in a lot of trouble — damaged relationships, feelings of hopelessness and depression, plummeting self worth, or physical and mental health issues. Fortunately, there are many positive ways to handle frustration, and we can even turn it into a tool for personal growth.
Moving forward from frustration
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As uncomfortable as they may be, frustrations are an inevitable part of life. They are like small (or not-so-small) tests of character that enable us to demonstrate where we are on the spiritual ladder. If you want to move up the ladder, you need to figure out how to pass these tests. You can begin by getting to know your frustration.
Reflect
Take a moment to think about the things that you find frustrating. Is it when you don’t get the appropriate respect; progress is thwarted by others’ incompetence; you feel incapable of meeting a goal; or you often get stuck with a task you dislike? From simple annoyance to utter exasperation, every frustration touches on an attachment or belief that you feel is threatened.
How you react makes all the difference. Do you let it mess up your day, or take it in stride? Shifting your mindset can help you make the right choice.
Reframe
As you study the source of your frustration, you might notice that you are zeroing in on the negative. Look for the positive in every situation, and exude optimism. Say, for instance:
- You lack the resources to make something happen. Whether it is knowledge, manpower, money or time, the perception of limitation lies with you. Take stock of what you do have: the power to seek knowledge, enlist help, and take advantage of the present.
- You think others are preventing your progress. Notice others’ strong points and be understanding of their weaknesses. If someone appears to be slacking, it could be that they lack the right tools, sufficient information, or inspiration. Help them along, and they may suddenly become more helpful.
- You are bored. Some say boredom is the bedrock of creativity! Approach things with curiosity and you will discover something you want to learn. If you often get stuck waiting, use the time constructively — read a book, call your mom, listen to something inspiring or beautiful.
Re-evaluate
Are you seeing yourself as a victim of circumstance? Scrap that idea. Dig deeper to consider in what way you may have contributed to the situation. Then you can take responsibility for improving it. Say, for instance:
- If you feel overburdened, it is possible you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. Take a moment to look at everything on your plate. What is essential, and what could you share? By delegating some portions to others you can enable them to blossom while lightening your own load.
- You feel disrespected. Do you expect respect as a given? In many cases, respect needs to be earned. Try extending more courtesy and consideration to others and watch the way deference develops around you.
- You are dissatisfied. Are you going in a direction that does not align with your values? Gather the courage to initiate change. If work is not stimulating, look for something more challenging. If a relationship is unhealthy, is it time to move on?
With practice, you’ll find that most frustrations are simply the symptom of a problem awaiting a solution. Much like necessity is the mother of invention, frustration inspires innovative problem solving. According to neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, frustration is actually a sign that the brain is rewiring itself through positive neuroplasticity. This is what builds our resilience and adaptability.
So if all those frustrating obstacles are actually promoting positive growth, wouldn’t it be better to embrace frustration? It may sound crazy, but doing this will help propel you up the spiritual ladder, since it requires cultivating some very important virtues.
Embracing frustration
What kind of person can embrace frustration? Some might say it would take a saint. Indeed, it calls for a high degree of forgiveness, gratitude and tolerance — but these are all things we can nurture and cultivate.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the conscious decision to let go of anger and resentment, to relinquish prejudices that grew out of negative experiences in the past, and to clear your heart of bitterness and self-pity.
To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope, English poet
Some of the most frustrating situations are when we feel mistreated. Anger, sadness, shame and anxiety trouble our hearts. If we hold onto them, they turn into resentment and mistrust; the past hijacks our present. Forgiveness is the key to liberating yourself from old pain.
To cultivate forgiveness under frustrating circumstances is difficult, for sure. First, you need to calm your mind. Take a deep breath and assess the situation rationally. Realize that life is not always what you would like it to be, and accept that. Realize that people are imperfect and make all sorts of mistakes, and accept that. Realize that ruminating over it only harms you, and let it go. Forgive.
Sometimes the first person we need to forgive is ourselves. As our own worst critics, we tend to beat ourselves up over mistakes and shortcomings. What good does it do to hold on to these things? A person weighed down with regret will find frustration hard to deal with. Set down that burden and move forward.
Gratitude
Gratitude is often overlooked. We take so many things for granted — the air we breathe, our safety, freedom and comfort; the ability to see, hear and taste — everything is a gift. Let go of the idea that you are entitled to anything, and suddenly everything becomes precious.
That’s right, even the frustration of losing your phone should bring gratitude — gratitude for your phone, gratitude for what the time without it can teach you, and gratitude for an opportunity to engage neuroplasticity!
Cultivate gratitude by focusing on what is good rather than what is not good. Look for the silver lining, and get in the habit of saying “thank you.” The abundance and grace around you will become more apparent, and this clarity will make frustration more manageable.
Tolerance
Tolerance comes in many forms. With people, it is the art of acceptance and empathy — being able to look past faults and deeply understand others’ perspectives. With physical discomfort, it entails enduring without complaint and not shrinking away from difficulties. In conflicts, it is allowing for differences in opinion.
Cultivate tolerance by being patient and forgiving with others. Allow yourself to feel disappointed without blaming anyone. Endure pain and hardship willingly, knowing that it is all part of the Creator’s divine plan. When you can do that, you will be able to face frustration with peace in your heart and use it as a tool for transformation.
