Most of us go through life with a heart that is closed to a greater or lesser degree. Do you find it difficult to connect with others? Are you critical and quick to judge? Do you isolate yourself or shy away from intimacy? Are you jaded or pessimistic? Do you feel you can’t trust others and are always on your guard?
After living this way for a long time it might feel like that’s just your personality, but these characteristics didn’t come out of nowhere.
Our experiences shape our existence, and when we meet with something that we can’t cope with, it becomes a burden that drags us down. Fortunately, life offers us many opportunities to redress the issue, and reshape our own reality. With practice, you can actually open your heart and awaken all the good that you are capable of, and find endless possibilities where you thought there were none.
Why does my heart feel locked?
Unlike the pain from physical wounds — which normally subsides with time — the pain from emotional wounds can continue to hurt long after the experience is over. Any traumatic event — be it abuse, acute disappointment, loss, rejection or shame — that isn’t fully processed will continue to inflict pain.
In the limited wisdom of our ego, we seek to protect ourselves from pain and loss by closing our heart to anything it perceives as a threat. By avoiding what makes us feel vulnerable — such as new situations, taking chances, self expression, commitment or responsibility — we limit ourselves and our ability to live life to the fullest.
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The barriers we build are strengthened over time and can feel very real and impenetrable. They impact our relationships and careers, and even our physical health. A closed heart blocks energy that is meant to flow freely. Qi (or energy) stagnation is recognized as a syndrome in traditional Chinese medicine.
A condition known in Western medicine as “broken heart syndrome” can also occur when a person exhibits the symptoms of a heart attack after suffering a heartbreaking loss, even though the arteries are physically open.
Whether it’s crumbling relationships, stifled careers, illness, or feeling generally unwell, many people end up on a spiritual path precisely because their life is a mess due to a closed heart.
How do you open your heart?
Choosing to open your heart means breaking these barriers down by dealing with your emotional baggage once and for all. It can be a difficult journey of self-reflection, but the advantages extend to every aspect of your life. Joy, healing, balance, and a fulfilling life can be yours if you are willing to take this journey.
Step one is to become aware of your closed-hearted condition. Maybe you’ve noticed yourself avoiding certain situations, experiencing anxiety over scenarios that shouldn’t be stressful, or covering your insecurities with a hard exterior. If you’re reading this, you’ve already taken step one. Congratulations!
Lots of us embark on a spiritual path, only to find that we’re stuck at some point and can’t make further progress. We understand the concept of “letting go” and may even think that we have done so, yet we continue to resist change and growth. This is because our ego, in its limited wisdom, wants to bypass the painful, but necessary step of healing.
Step two is to commit to healing. Being willing to feel, grieve and forgive is the key to healing and moving forward. Knowing the reason behind your emotional barriers gives you a good starting point, but sometimes trauma is so debilitating that the memory of it is repressed. Even if you can’t remember the event, you can heal the heart by facing the emotions that you are so afraid to feel.
In preparation, reassure your frightened ego. Before going into an emotional wound, gently explain to yourself that this work is necessary and beneficial to both body and soul, and that it will be okay.
Step three: Then give yourself the time and space to sit with the past (or simply the repressed emotions) and let those painful feelings wash over you. Allow yourself to fully experience and embrace them. You may feel overwhelmed with sorrow, anger, shock or guilt, but don’t resist them. Many people will release the pain through sobbing, so go ahead and let it out.
Step four: Grieve for what you have lost — be it a loved one, a treasured belonging, or something intangible like self-confidence, innocence, opportunities, or trust. You may go through various stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining (if only), depression — before finally reaching acceptance. Grieve your loss for as long as it takes to finally say goodbye and let it go naturally.
Tools to help you process your emotions
Methods for bringing emotions to the surface can focus on either the mind or the body, or both. Start with a method that you are comfortable with, and explore others as you progress.
Many people use meditation, stillness, and mindfulness to connect with their inner emotions. Find a time and place that is free of external stimulation, relax, and tap into your internal cognition.
Affirmations can be a powerful and effective approach to emotional healing. Try repeating the following phrases, or compose some for yourself.
- “I open my heart to unconditional love.”
- “I open my mind to unlimited wisdom.”
- “I open my arms to all that life has to offer.”
Progressive muscle relaxation can help you release tension in areas of your body where emotions are trapped.
Bodywork, such as massage or qigong exercises help bring trapped emotions to the surface.
Sound therapy and aromatherapy can also help you achieve a relaxed state for your releasing exercises.
Learn the lesson
Through the healing process, you will discover that you can indeed overcome pain and loss. This is a valuable lesson in and of itself. Pain and loss are a natural part of life, which is ever-changing. You can rise above your fear.
One of the greatest lessons from suffering is increasing our capacity to empathize. Once we have gone through a painful ordeal, we learn to understand others’ suffering and become more compassionate.
Lessons may also touch on our vices: arrogance, greed, selfishness, etc. There’s no point in punishing yourself if you discover something like this. Be grateful that you were made aware of it so you can work on it.
If the lesson is not obvious, you can always consider it karmic retribution. Perhaps you caused equal harm in the past and your experience has helped you repay the debt.
Spiritual work is a continuous journey, so don’t become frustrated if it takes longer than you imagined. Every day is a new beginning for you to apply what you have learned. Every day you can open your heart a little more… and every day can be a little better than the day before.
