By Chen Jing
In the worldview of the ancients, anything called a “ritual” was never performed solely for human purposes. A wedding, as one of the traditional “Five Rites” of life, was above all a solemn dialogue — between human beings and Heaven and Earth, between humans and the divine, and between the living and their ancestors.
Bowing to Heaven and Earth: reverence, not notification
One may ask: how many people today truly understand the weight carried by that phrase in a wedding ceremony — “First bow to Heaven and Earth?” Modern interpretations often reduce it to a kind of casual “notification:” we are getting married, uniting two families, born between Heaven and Earth, so it seems only proper to inform the heavens.
Such logic borders on the absurd, as if marriage were merely an occasion to invite Heaven to offer a monetary gift — and if one day the couple were to divorce, should they then go back to notify Heaven and Earth once more?
China’s ancestors never believed that Heaven and Earth could be treated so lightly. In traditional Chinese weddings, the ritual of “bowing to Heaven and Earth” can be traced back to the Zhou dynasty rite of gao miao — a sacred act of reporting to the ancestral temple. It was a profoundly solemn sacrificial ceremony.
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The ancients placed great emphasis on faith and moral integrity, upholding benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom, and trustworthiness. They often said that “three feet above one’s head, there are divine beings watching.” If one must keep one’s word in everyday life, how much more binding should be the vows made in ceremonial robes, kneeling before Heaven, Earth, and the gods?
When a newlywed couple kneels and bows, reciting the words, “Above, to serve the ancestral temple; below, to carry on future generations,” this is by no means a mere formality. It is a covenant of life and death — a grave oath sworn with one’s very life, under the witness of Heaven and Earth.
It was precisely because of this heavy sense of reverence that people in ancient times chose their partners with the utmost caution and entered marriage with solemn seriousness. Only when the foundation was firmly laid could the great edifice of marriage withstand wind and rain. This, in essence, is why divorce was exceedingly rare in ancient times: reverence for vows meant one dared not betray them lightly.
The ‘lightness’ and ‘speed’ of modern weddings
By contrast, many weddings today, for all their diverse outward forms, have grown increasingly hollow at the core. Even ceremonies modeled after Western weddings are undergoing a striking process of “simplification.”
Not long ago, one could still hear the lengthy vow — “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, never to part” — imported though it was, yet still carrying the weight of a true promise. Today, however, many weddings have devolved into a fast-food-style routine:
“Do you agree?”
“I do.”
“Do you agree?”
“I do.”
All right. Ceremony over. Let the banquet begin.
Amid the clinking of glasses and the din of celebration, the four words “the great matter of marriage” seem to have been reduced to little more than a dinner gathering. The opening is perfunctory, the process merely ceremonial. In the pursuit of efficiency and spectacle, people have lost precisely the most essential soul of a wedding: the vow itself.
Rediscovering the essence of marriage: a covenant and a practice
In the earliest weddings, known as hunli, the ceremony began with ritual offerings to Heaven, only afterward coming to the union of families. The vow to Heaven and Earth preceded the joining of the couple. It was precisely the presence of the divine and the ancestors that lent the wedding its grandeur and solemnity.
Unfortunately, modern weddings have gradually lost this sense of reverence for Heaven and the sacred vow, leaving only the joy of family union. When the weight of the oath disappears, people easily forget the true essence of marriage.
The phrase young couples often quote today — “Though separated by life and death, we remain true; holding your hand, I will grow old with you” — is frequently treated as a romantic expression. Yet in the context of the Book of Songs (Shijing), it is an unyielding, ironclad pledge. It was a promise shared between comrades on the battlefield or spouses enduring hardship together — a vow to face life and death as one. In the eyes of the ancients, a word of promise was worth a thousand pieces of gold, and thus this line carries a weighty, blood-bound gravity.
Marriage is never a game
The essence of marriage has never been about fleeting romance or poetic sentiment. It is a union forged through solemn vows, a bond of life and soul. Marriage is a covenant of mutual loyalty, standing as each other’s support in times of hardship. It is a pledge of life and death together, promising steadfastness through all twists of fate. It is the quiet harmony of daily life, built in the rhythms of meals, chores, and shared responsibilities. Above all, it is a spiritual journey, where two souls help each other grow, heal, and find redemption across the span of years.
Marriage is never a game; it is a commitment that must be lived one lifetime at a time.
May every couple stepping into the wedding hall truly understand the meaning behind the ritual. Not seeking extravagance, but sincerity. May you honor the covenant with Heaven and Earth, treasure the encounter of your lifetime, and in the long years ahead, preserve the vow made at the very beginning.
